Anastasia and I went to Dunks after school today. I ate, she drank, and we talked about relationships. This topic of relationships is one that is closely intertwined with Derek, and revolved around him particularly today. And while discussing Derek, I realized that my feelings towards him have changed since my last post (or rather, come into existence). I don't like the fellow. I've nothing against him personally, he's a nice enough guy (as far as I can tell). Rather, its the situation that I find myself in that makes me dislike him. We're playing on different teams now (but not in a homosexual way), and I just can't bring myself to like you anymore. If its any consolation, I'm sure that if you were made aware of the situation, you'd feel the same way about me.
And while Anastasia and I were talking, who should walk into Dunks but Tobias. And who should walk over and begin to third-wheel but Tobias. Though I suppose I should thank him, because he did bring to my attention a few topics that I had been missing.
Firstly, that people have much more depth than I gave them credit for. Tobias is very opinionated, as well as (compared to me, anyway) very well informed about others. We talked about hate, and how it is a much more common emotion than I originally thought. There are many layers to relationships, like onions, or ogres, and I need to remember this when I'm interacting with people. Because there's always the layer that you can't see.
Secondly, the topic of morals. I have long believed that morals are individual, and that everyone makes their own. Our conversation today solidified this thought, but it also brought to the surface a lot that I was unaware of. About myself (Past-Me can be a jackass), about Tobias (what an odd definition of friendship he has), and about Anastasia (you're cultured, I like that). Morals are something that you craft and find for yourself, and no one, be they maths teacher or undercover cop, can change them, save for yourself.
And Thirdly, that the world was a happier place before I knew just how convoluted and fucked up human relationships can become. Granted, I'm almost certain that I've yet to see the dark end of the spectrum, and I hope that I never do. But just a little bit of light is gone from the world knowing how other people really feel about each other.
Upon re-reading the above, I notice that my writing seems a bit disjointed. But I won't change that, because it suits the thoughts that are tearing through my brain right now.
Its been an enlightening day. Something to think about.
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