Tonight turned out to be much better than I was expecting. The improv show (which I was in) went off with several hitches that simply catapulted it into betterness. Gods, I was impressed with how well the troupe pulled together and really had each other's backs. This group could grow into something great, if it's given the chance. And aside from a few rough spots, the glow dance afterward was great fun, as well. Some of my friends from improv were there, including Anastasia, and dancing with them was another highlight of my night. Of course, Anastasia's legitimate lover was there as well, and as such they would often dance together, and myself, being in the same room, could not help but notice this. And when they did, I felt... nothing.
Well, that's not exactly true. There was an underlying bittersweet note to these moments, but my emotions towards, we shall name him Derek, were practically non-existent. I know that it would be normal for a person in my situation to feel animosity towards Derek, and yet, I do not. When I see him and Anastasia together in a coupley way, its like a black hole forms in my emotions, and sucks them all over its event horizon. I know that I still have the same feelings for Anastasia as before, that hasn't changed. But this emotional limbo, this is new, and its frightening. Frightening, because I don't know what it means. But whatever its meaning, it hasn't changed anything important to me yet, and I don't intend to let it.
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