Can't Write

I've been sitting in front of my computer screen for almost an hour now, trying to channel what I'm feeling, but the words aren't coming.  Still, I've got to write something.

            It was the first day of the school year today, and it should have been the start of something great.  Instead, I arrived  early in the morning to watch my classmates greet their friends while I lurked on the edge of the group.  Nobody particularly wanted to talk to me, and whenever I tried to start a conversation with someone, they either left or chased me off for one reason or another.  Honestly, though, I doubt many of them knew I was trying to talk to them at all. 

            Anastasia seems to be doing fine.  She's got all of her friends, our friends, and her exchange student from France to keep her company.

            I guess what I'm really getting at is that I feel unnecessary.  Sure, people tolerate having me around, but would it really make a difference to them if I wasn't?  Maybe I'm just a superfluous friend, invited to gatherings as an afterthought, if at all.

            God, even reading that it sounds mental!  I think there's something wrong with me.  Actually, I've thought that for a long time.  It feels like I'm back in middle school, eating lunch on my own or pacing the outskirts of the playground, desperate to get away from all of these people because any one of them could hurt me.  I hated it then, and I despise it now, but already I can feel myself slipping back into the old routine.  I guess it's like riding a bike; just something I've gotten used to.