Happy Birthday

It's not been a particularly bad birthday.  The celebration (as I would like to see it) kicked off with a fantastic improv show at OHD which included many of my closest friends, all of whom I am incredibly proud of for our performance that night.  Following that, we played spectators to a fine, if slightly depressing, fireworks show.  Afterwards, it was off to the Red Arrow for a birthday brinner.  That is, everybody else was off to the Red Arrow, while I ended up two towns over.  Worry not, I did make it to the restaurant, and my friends made use of my screw up to order me a surprise birthday Twinkie, presented along with some quality pens and a strapping notebook, courtesy of Morpheus, and a touching collection of Shakespeare's plays from Anastasia.  I love them all.

            A day of getting shit done, and then off to school on my birthday proper.  And while I received many well wishes and the occasional delicious banana-cookie-muffin, it is at this point that I must introduce a caveat:  while I did not have a particularly bad birthday, I didn't have a particularly great one, either.  That is not to disparage anybody's efforts to make it such; I did have a wonderful time with you all!  But when your teacher hands back tests with the accompanying phrase "I graded these, and my first thought was, 'they're going to hate themselves,'" it doesn't set the tone for a good day.  The period prior, a similar speech.  These should be minor setbacks, I know, but the day just hasn't turned out as I imagined it would.  They tell me I'm an adult, now.  Strange, I don't feel any more prepared to face the world, or even to face myself.  Another year, the same old shit.  But hey, at least you can buy cigs now.  Whoopee.  But the worst part (at least, for me) is that I don't feel much about this at all.  I'm acutely aware that there's a vacant space inside me where an emotion should be.  It's disquieting.  Hopefully, it'll pass.

            Yes.  I acknowledge that this post is extremely self-pitying.  Yes.  I understand that my birthday is not yet through.  Perhaps it'll turn around and prove itself yet.  Who's to say?  But I feel like it's helped, just a little bit, to write this.  Those of you who've read this far, you have my thanks.